All’s Well That Ends Well
Act II, Scene 2
Roussillon . The Count’s palace .
I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught.
Edwin Austin Abbey, 1891
- Enter Countess and Clown .
Countess
1 - 2- Come on , sir , I shall now put you to the height of your
- breeding .
Lavatch
3 - 4- I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught . I know my
- business is but to the court .
Countess
5 - 6- To the court ! Why , what place make you special , when you put
- off that with such contempt ? But to the court !
Lavatch
7 - 12- Truly , madam , if God have lent a man any manners , he may
- easily put it off at court . He that cannot make a leg , put
- off ’s cap , kiss his hand , and say nothing , has neither leg ,
- hands , lip , nor cap ; and indeed such a fellow , to say
- precisely , were not for the court ; but for me , I have an
- answer will serve all men .
Countess
13- Marry , that’s a bountiful answer that fits all questions .
Lavatch
14 - 16- It is like a barber’s chair that fits all buttocks : the
- pin - buttock , the quatch - buttock , the brawn - buttock , or any
- buttock .
Countess
17- Will your answer serve fit to all questions ?
Lavatch
18 - 23- As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney , as your
- French crown for your taffety punk , as Tib’s rush for Tom’s
-
forefinger
,
as
a
pancake
for
Shrove
Tuesday
,
a
morris
for
Feb 23, 2019 Miko Shrove Tuesday, also called Pancake Day, or (in modern times) Fat Tuesday, is the last day before Lent (which begins on Ash Wednesday). It was traditional to consume all remaining fattening foods before Lent began. Pancakes were a good way to use up fatty foods such as milk and butter. - May - day , as the nail to his hole , the cuckold to his horn ,
- as a scolding quean to a wrangling knave , as the nun’s lip
- to the friar’s mouth , nay , as the pudding to his skin .
Countess
24 - 25- Have you , I say , an answer of such fitness for all
- questions ?
Lavatch
26 - 27- From below your duke to beneath your constable , it will fit
- any question .
Countess
28 - 29- It must be an answer of most monstrous size that must fit
- all demands .
Lavatch
30 - 32- But a trifle neither , in good faith , if the learned should
- speak truth of it . Here it is , and all that belongs to’t .
- Ask me if I am a courtier : it shall do you no harm to learn .
Countess
33 - 35- To be young again , if we could , I will be a fool in
- question , hoping to be the wiser by your answer . I pray you ,
- sir , are you a courtier ?
Lavatch
36 - 37- O Lord , sir !— There’s a simple putting off . More , more , a
- hundred of them .
Countess
38- Sir , I am a poor friend of yours that loves you .
Lavatch
39- O Lord , sir !— Thick , thick , spare not me .
Countess
40- I think , sir , you can eat none of this homely meat .
Lavatch
41- O Lord , sir !— Nay , put me to’t , I warrant you .
Countess
42- You were lately whipt , sir , as I think .
Lavatch
43- O Lord , sir !— Spare not me .
Countess
44 - 47- Do you cry , “ O Lord , sir !” at your whipping , and “ Spare not
- me ”? Indeed your “ O Lord , sir !” is very sequent to your
- whipping ; you would answer very well to a whipping , if you
- were but bound to’t .
Lavatch
48 - 49- I ne’er had worse luck in my life in my “ O Lord , sir !” I see
- things may serve long , but not serve ever .
Countess
50 - 51- I play the noble huswife with the time ,
- To entertain it so merrily with a fool .
Lavatch
52- O Lord , sir !— Why , there’t serves well again .
Countess
53 - 56- An end , sir ; to your business : give Helen this ,
- And urge her to a present answer back .
- Commend me to my kinsmen and my son .
- This is not much .
Lavatch
57- Not much commendation to them .
Countess
58- Not much employment for you . You understand me ?
Lavatch
59- Most fruitfully , I am there before my legs .
Countess
60- Haste you again .
- Exeunt .