The Two Noble Kinsmen
Act III, Scene 5
Another part of the forest near Athens.
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Enter a Schoolmaster Gerald, four Countrymen as
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morris-dancers and another as the Bavian, five Wenches
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(Nell, Friz, Maudline, Luce and Barbary), with a Taborer.
Gerald
1 - 21
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Fie, fie,
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What tediosity and disensanity
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Is here among ye! Have my rudiments
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Been labor’d so long with ye, milk’d unto ye,
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And by a figure, even the very plum-broth
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And marrow of my understanding laid upon ye,
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And do you still cry, “Where?” and “How?” and “Wherefore?”
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You most coarse frieze capacities, ye jane judgments,
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Have I said, “Thus let be,” and “There let be,”
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And “Then let be,” and no man understand me?
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Proh Deum, medius fidius, ye are all dunces!
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For why, here stand I; here the Duke comes; there are you,
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Close in the thicket. The Duke appears, I meet him
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And unto him I utter learned things,
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And many figures; he hears, and nods, and hums,
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And then cries, “Rare!” and I go forward. At length
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I fling my cap up; mark there! Then do you,
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As once did Meleager and the boar,
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Break comely out before him; like true lovers,
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Cast yourselves in a body decently,
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And sweetly, by a figure, trace and turn, boys.
First Country Folk
22
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And sweetly we will do it, Master Gerald.
Second Country Folk
23
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Draw up the company. Where’s the taborer?
Third Country Folk
24
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Why, Timothy!
Taborer
25
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Here, my mad boys, have at ye!
Gerald
26
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But I say, where’s their women?
Fourth Country Folk
27
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Here’s Friz and Maudline.
Second Country Folk
28
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And little Luce with the white legs, and bouncing Barbary.
First Country Folk
29
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And freckled Nell—that never fail’d her master.
Gerald
30 - 32
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Where be your ribands, maids? Swim with your bodies,
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And carry it sweetly and deliverly,
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And now and then a favor and a frisk.
Nell
33
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Let us alone, sir.
Gerald
34
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Where’s the rest o’ th’ music?
Third Country Folk
35
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Dispers’d as you commanded.
Gerald
36 - 41
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Couple then,
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And see what’s wanting. Where’s the Bavian?
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My friend, carry your tail without offense
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Or scandal to the ladies; and be sure
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You tumble with audacity and manhood,
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And when you bark, do it with judgment.
Gerald
43
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Quo usque tandem? Here is a woman wanting.
Fourth Country Folk
44
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We may go whistle; all the fat’s i’ th’ fire.
Gerald
45 - 46
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We have, as learned authors utter, wash’d a tile,
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We have been fatuus, and labored vainly.
Second Country Folk
47 - 52
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This is that scornful piece, that scurvy hilding,
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That gave her promise faithfully she would
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Be here, Cicely the sempster’s daughter.
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The next gloves that I give her shall be dogskin;
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Nay, and she fail me once—You can tell, Arcas,
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She swore by wine and bread she would not break.
Gerald
53 - 56
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An eel and woman,
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A learned poet says, unless by th’ tail
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And with thy teeth thou hold, will either fail.
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In manners this was false position.
First Country Folk
57
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A fire ill take her! Does she flinch now?
Third Country Folk
58 - 59
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What
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Shall we determine, sir?
Gerald
60 - 62
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Nothing,
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Our business is become a nullity,
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Yea, and a woeful and a piteous nullity.
Fourth Country Folk
63 - 65
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Now when the credit of our town lay on it,
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Now to be frampal, now to piss o’ th’ nettle!
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Go thy ways, I’ll remember thee, I’ll fit thee!
Daughter
66 - 78
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Sings.
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“The George Alow came from the south,
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From the coast of Barbary-a;
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And there he met with brave gallants of war,
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By one, by two, by three-a.
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Well hail’d, well hail’d, you jolly gallants!
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And whither now are you bound-a?
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O, let me have your company
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Till I come to the sound-a.”
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“There was three fools fell out about an howlet:
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The one said it was an owl,
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The other he said nay,
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The third he said it was a hawk,
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And her bells were cut away.”
Third Country Folk
79 - 82
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There’s a dainty mad woman, master,
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Comes i’ th’ nick, as mad as a March hare.
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If we can get her dance, we are made again.
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I warrant her, she’ll do the rarest gambols.
First Country Folk
83
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A mad woman? We are made, boys!
Gerald
84
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And are you mad, good woman?
Daughter
85 - 86
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I would be sorry else.
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Give me your hand.
Daughter
88 - 93
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I can tell your fortune.
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You are a fool. Tell ten—I have pos’d him. Buzz!
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Friend, you must eat no white bread; if you do,
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Your teeth will bleed extremely. Shall we dance ho?
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I know you, y’ are a tinker. Sirrah tinker,
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Stop no more holes but what you should.
Gerald
94 - 95
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Dii boni!
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A tinker, damsel?
Daughter
96 - 98
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Or a conjurer.
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Raise me a devil now, and let him play
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Qui passa o’ th’ bells and bones.
Gerald
99 - 102
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Go take her,
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And fluently persuade her to a peace.
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“Et opus exegi, quod nec Jovis ira, nec ignis”—
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Strike up, and lead her in.
Second Country Folk
103
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Come, lass, let’s trip it.
Third Country Folk
105
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Do, do.
Gerald
106 - 110
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Persuasively and cunningly.
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Wind horns.
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Away, boys!
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I hear the horns. Give me some meditation,
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And mark your cue.
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Exeunt all but Schoolmaster.
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Pallas inspire me!
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Enter Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, Arcite, and
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Train.
Theseus
111
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This way the stag took.
Gerald
112
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Stay, and edify.
Theseus
113
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What have we here?
Pirithous
114
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Some country sport, upon my life, sir.
Theseus
115 - 116
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Well, sir, go forward, we will edify.
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Ladies, sit down, we’ll stay it.
Gerald
117
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Thou doughty Duke, all hail! All hail, sweet ladies!
Theseus
118
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This is a cold beginning.
Gerald
119 - 151
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If you but favor, our country pastime made is.
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We are a few of those collected here
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That ruder tongues distinguish villager,
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And to say verity, and not to fable,
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We are a merry rout, or else a rable,
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Or company, or by a figure, choris,
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That ’fore thy dignity will dance a morris.
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And I, that am the rectifier of all,
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By title paedagogus, that let fall
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The birch upon the breeches of the small ones,
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And humble with a ferula the tall ones,
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Do here present this machine, or this frame,
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And, dainty Duke, whose doughty dismal fame
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From Dis to Daedalus, from post to pillar,
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Is blown abroad, help me, thy poor well-willer,
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And with thy twinkling eyes look right and straight
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Upon this mighty Morr—of mickle weight—
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Is—now comes in, which being glu’d together
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Makes Morris, and the cause that we came hither.
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The body of our sport, of no small study,
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I first appear, though rude, and raw, and muddy,
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To speak, before thy noble Grace, this tenner;
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At whose great feet I offer up my penner.
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The next, the Lord of May and Lady bright,
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The Chambermaid and Servingman, by night
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That seek out silent hanging. Then mine Host
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And his fat spouse, that welcomes to their cost
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The galled traveler, and with a beck’ning
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Informs the tapster to inflame the reck’ning.
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Then the beast-eating Clown, and next the Fool,
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The Bavian, with long tail and eke long tool,
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Cum multis aliis that make a dance.
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Say “Ay,” and all shall presently advance.
Theseus
152
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Ay, ay, by any means, dear domine.
Gerald
154 - 164
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Knock for school.
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Intrate, filii; come forth, and foot it.
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Enter the Dancers. Music. Dance.
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Ladies, if we have been merry,
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And have pleas’d ye with a derry,
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And a derry, and a down,
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Say the schoolmaster’s no clown.
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Duke, if we have pleas’d thee too
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And have done as good boys should do,
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Give us but a tree or twain
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For a Maypole, and again,
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Ere another year run out,
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We’ll make thee laugh and all this rout.
Theseus
165
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Take twenty, domine.—How does my sweet heart?
Hippolyta
166
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Never so pleas’d, sir.
Emilia
167 - 168
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’Twas an excellent dance, and for a preface,
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I never heard a better.
Theseus
169 - 170
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Schoolmaster, I thank you.
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One see ’em all rewarded.
Pirithous
171 - 172
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And here’s something
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Gives money.
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To paint your pole withal.
Theseus
173
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Now to our sports again.
Gerald
174 - 179
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May the stag thou hunt’st stand long,
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And thy dogs be swift and strong!
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May they kill him without lets,
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And the ladies eat his dowsets!
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Exeunt Theseus and his company. Wind horns.
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Come, we are all made. Dii deaeque omnes!
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Ye have danc’d rarely, wenches.