Sir Thomas More
Act I, Scene 2
London. The Sessions House.
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An arras is drawn, and behind it as in sessions sit the Lord
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Mayor, Justice Suresby, and other Justices; Sheriff More and
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the other Sheriff sitting by. Smart is the plaintiff, Lifter
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the prisoner at the bar. Recorder, Officers.
Lord Mayor
1 - 3
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Having dispatched our weightier businesses,
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We may give ear to petty felonies.
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Master Sheriff More, what is this fellow?
More
4 - 5
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My lord, he stands indicted for a purse;
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He hath been tried, the jury is together.
Lord Mayor
6
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Who sent him in?
Suresby
7 - 9
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That did I, my lord:
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Had he had right, he had been hanged ere this;
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The only captain of the cutpurse crew.
Lord Mayor
10
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What is his name?
Suresby
11 - 12
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As his profession is, Lifter, my lord,
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One that can lift a purse right cunningly.
Lord Mayor
13
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And is that he accuses him?
Suresby
14 - 16
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The same, my lord, whom, by your honors leave,
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I must say somewhat too, because I find
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In some respects he is well worthy blame.
Lord Mayor
17 - 18
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Good Master Justice Suresby, speak your mind;
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We are well pleased to give you audience.
Suresby
19 - 22
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Hear me, Smart; thou art a foolish fellow:
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If Lifter be convicted by the law,
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As I see not how the jury can acquit him,
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I’ll stand too ’t thou art guilty of his death.
More
23
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My lord, that’s worthy the hearing.
Lord Mayor
24
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Listen, then, good Master More.
Suresby
25 - 42
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I tell thee plain, it is a shame for thee,
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With such a sum to tempt necessity;
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No less than ten pounds, sir, will serve your turn,
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To carry in your purse about with ye,
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To crake and brag in taverns of your money:
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I promise ye, a man that goes abroad
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With an intent of truth, meeting such a booty,
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May be provoked to that he never meant.
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What makes so many pilferers and felons,
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But such fond baits that foolish people lay
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To tempt the needy miserable wretch?
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Ten pounds, odd money; this is a pretty sum
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To bear about, which were more safe at home.
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’Fore God, ’twere well to fine ye as much more.
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Lord Mayor and More whisper.
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To the relief of the poor prisoners,
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To teach ye be more careful of your own,
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In sooth, I say ye were but rightly served,
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If ye had lost as much as twice ten pounds.
More
43 - 44
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Good my lord, sooth a point or two for once,
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Only to try conclusions in this case.
Lord Mayor
45 - 47
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Content, good Master More. We’ll rise awhile,
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And, till the jury can return their verdict,
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Walk in the garden. How say ye, Justices?
All
48
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We like it well, my lord; we’ll follow ye.
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Exeunt Lord Mayor and Justices.
More
49 - 51
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Nay, plaintiff, go you too;—and officers,
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Exit Smart.
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Stand you aside, and leave the prisoner
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To me awhile. Lifter, come hither.
Lifter
52
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What is your worship’s pleasure?
More
53 - 62
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Sirrah, you know that you are known to me,
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And I have often saved ye from this place,
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Since first I came in office. Thou seest beside,
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That Justice Suresby is thy heavy friend,
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By all the blame that he pretends to Smart,
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For tempting thee with such a sum of money.
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I tell thee what; devise me but a means
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To pick or cut his purse, and, on my credit,
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And as I am a Christian and a man,
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I will procure they pardon for that jest.
Lifter
63 - 69
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Good Master Sheriff, seek not my overthrow:
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You know, sir, I have many heavy friends,
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And more indictments like to come upon me.
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You are too deep for me to deal withal;
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You are known to be one of the wisest men
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That is in England. I pray ye, Master Sheriff,
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Go not about to undermine my life.
More
70 - 78
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Lifter, I am true subject to my king;
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Thou much mistak’st me. And, for thou shall not think
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I mean by this to hurt thy life at all,
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I will maintain the act when thou hast done it.
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Thou knowest there are such matters in my hands,
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As if I pleased to give them to the jury,
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I should not need this way to circumvent thee.
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All that I aim at is a merry jest:
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Perform it, Lifter, and expect my best.
Lifter
79 - 81
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I thank your worship. God preserve your life!
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But Master Justice Suresby is gone in;
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I know not how to come near where he is.
More
82 - 85
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Let me alone for that; I’ll be thy setter;
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I’ll send him hither to thee presently,
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Under the color of thine own request
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Of private matters to acquaint him with.
Lifter
86 - 87
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If ye do so, sir, then let me alone;
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Forty to one but then his purse is gone.
More
88 - 90
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Well said. But see that thou diminish not
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One penny of the money, but give it me;
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It is the cunning act that credits thee.
Lifter
91 - 97
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I will, good Master Sheriff, I assure ye.
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Exit More.
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I see the purpose of this gentleman
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Is but to check the folly of the Justice,
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For blaming others in a desperate case,
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Wherein himself may fall as soon as any.
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To save my life, it is a good adventure:
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Silence there, ho! Now doth the Justice enter.
Suresby
98 - 100
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Now, sirrah, now, what is your will with me?
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Wilt thou discharge thy conscience like an honest man?
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What sayest to me, sirrah? Be brief, be brief.
Lifter
101 - 102
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As brief, sir, as I can.
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Aside.
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If ye stand fair, I will be brief anon.
Suresby
103
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Speak out, and mumble not. What sayest thou, sirrah?
Lifter
104 - 105
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Sir, I am charged, as God shall be my comfort,
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With more than’s true.
Suresby
106 - 112
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Sir, sir, ye are indeed, with more than’s true,
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For you are flatly charged with felony;
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You’re charged with more than truth, and that is theft;
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More than a true man should be charged withal;
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Thou art a varlet, that’s no more than true.
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Trifle not with me; do not, do not, sirrah;
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Confess but what thou knowest, I ask no more.
Lifter
113
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There be, sir, there be, if’t shall please your worship—
Suresby
114 - 115
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‘There be,’ varlet! What be there? Tell me what there be.
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Come off or on. ‘There be!’ What be there, knave?
Lifter
116 - 118
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There be, sir, diverse very cunning fellows,
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That, while you stand and look them in the face,
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Will have your purse.
Suresby
119 - 121
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Th’art an honest knave:
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Tell me what are they? Where they may be caught?
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Aye, those are they I look for.
Lifter
122 - 125
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You talk of me, sir;
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Alas, I am a puny! There’s one indeed
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Goes by my name, he puts down all for purses;
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He’ll steal your worship’s purse under your nose.
Suresby
126 - 129
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Ha, ha! Art thou so sure, varlet?
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Well, well,
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Be as familiar as thou wilt, my knave;
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Tis this I long to know.
Lifter
130 - 134
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And you shall have your longing ere ye go.
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This fellow, sir, perhaps will meet ye thus,
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Or thus, or thus, and in kind compliment
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Pretend acquaintance, somewhat doubtfully;
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And these embraces serve—
Suresby
135
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Aye, marry, Lifter, wherefore serve they?
Lifter
136 - 138
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Only to feel
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Whether you go full under sail or no,
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Or that your lading be aboard your bark.
Suresby
139 - 140
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In plainer English, Lifter, if my purse
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Be stored or no?
Lifter
141
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Ye have it, sir.
Suresby
142
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Excellent, excellent.
Lifter
143 - 146
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Then, sir, you cannot but for manner’s sake
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Walk on with him; for he will walk your way,
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Alleging either you have much forgot him,
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Or he mistakes you.
Suresby
147
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But in this time has he my purse or no?
Lifter
148 - 150
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Not yet, sir, fie!—
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Aside.
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No, nor I have not yours.
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Enter Lord Mayor, and c.
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But now we must forbear; my lords return.
Suresby
151 - 156
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A murrain on’t!—Lifter, we’ll more anon:
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Aye, thou sayest true, there are shrewd knaves indeed:
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He sits down.
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But let them gull me, widgen me, rook me, fop me!
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I’faith, i’faith, they are too short for me.
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Knaves and fools meet when purses go:
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Wise men look to their purses well enough.
More
157
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Aside.
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Lifter, is it done?
Lifter
158
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Aside.
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Done, Master Sheriff; and there it is.
More
159
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Aside.
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Then build upon my word. I’ll save thy life.
Recorder
160 - 162
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Lifter, stand to the bar:
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The jury have returned the guilty; thou must die,
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According to the custom. Look to it, Master Shreeve.
Lord Mayor
163 - 167
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Then, gentlemen, as you are wont to do,
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Because as yet we have no burial place,
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What charity your meaning’s to bestow
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Toward burial of the prisoners now condemned,
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Let it be given. There is first for me.
Recorder
168
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And there for me.
First Officer
169
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And me.
Suresby
170 - 171
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Body of me,
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My purse is gone!
More
172
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Gone, sir! What, here! How can that be?
Lord Mayor
173
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Against all reason, sitting on the bench.
Suresby
174
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Lifter, I talked with you; you have not lifted me? Ha?
Lifter
175
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Suspect ye me, sir? Oh, what a world is this!
More
176 - 177
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But hear ye, master Suresby; are ye sure
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Ye had a purse about ye?
Suresby
178 - 179
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Sure, Master Sheriff! As sure as you are there,
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And in it seven pounds, odd money, on my faith.
More
180 - 196
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Seven pounds, odd money! What, were you so mad,
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Being a wise man and a magistrate,
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To trust your purse with such a liberal sum?
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Seven pounds, odd money! ’Fore God, it is a shame,
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With such a sum to tempt necessity:
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I promise ye, a man that goes abroad
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With an intent of truth, meeting such a booty,
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May be wrought to that he never thought.
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What makes so many pilferers and felons,
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But these fond baits that foolish people lay
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To tempt the needy miserable wretch?
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Should he be taken now that has your purse,
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I’d stand to’t, you are guilty of his death;
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For, questionless, he would be cast by law.
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Twere a good deed to fine ye as much more,
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To the relief of the poor prisoners,
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To teach ye lock your money up at home.
Suresby
197 - 198
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Well, Master More, you are a merry man;
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I find ye, sir, I find ye well enough.
More
199 - 204
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Nay, ye shall see, sir, trusting thus your money,
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And Lifter here in trial for like case,
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But that the poor man is a prisoner,
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It would be now suspected that he had it.
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Thus may ye see what mischief often comes
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By the fond carriage of such needless sums.
Lord Mayor
205 - 207
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Believe me, Master Suresby, this is strange,
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You, being a man so settled in assurance,
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Will fall in that which you condemned in other.
More
208 - 210
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Well, Master Suresby, there’s your purse again,
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And all your money. Fear nothing of More;
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Wisdom still keeps the mean and locks the door.