Much Ado About Nothing
Act IV, Scene 2
Messina. A prison.
Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear, sir. I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
Francis Philip Stephanoff, circa 1800
- Enter the Constables Dogberry and Verges, and the Town Clerk
- Sexton in gowns, and the Watch with Conrade and Borachio.
Dogberry
1- Is our whole dissembly appear’d?
Verges
2- O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sexton
3- Which be the malefactors?
Dogberry
4- Marry, that am I and my partner.
Verges
5- Nay, that’s certain, we have the exhibition to examine.
Sexton
6 - 7- But which are the offenders that are to be examin’d? Let
- them come before Master Constable.
Dogberry
8 - 9- Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name,
- friend?
Borachio
10- Borachio.
Dogberry
11- Pray write down Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
Conrade
12- I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
Dogberry
13 - 14- Write down Master Gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve
- God?
Both Conrade and Borachio
15- Yea, sir, we hope.
Dogberry
16 - 20- Write down, that they hope they serve God; and write God
- first, for God defend but God should go before such
- villains! Masters, it is prov’d already that you are little
- better than false knaves, and it will go near to be thought
- so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?
Conrade
21- Marry, sir, we say we are none.
Dogberry
22 - 24- A marvelous witty fellow, I assure you, but I will go about
- with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear, sir.
- I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
Borachio
25- Sir, I say to you, we are none.
Dogberry
26 - 27- Well, stand aside. ’Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have
- you writ down, that they are none?
Sexton
28 - 29- Master Constable, you go not the way to examine; you must
- call forth the watch that are their accusers.
Dogberry
30 - 31-
Yea, marry, that’s the eftest way; let the watch come forth.
Feb 25, 2019 Miko The Oxford English Dictionary's definition of “eft” is “ready, convenient”, which makes sense in this context. - Masters, I charge you in the Prince’s name accuse these men.
First Watchman
32 - 33- This man said, sir, that Don John, the Prince’s brother, was
- a villain.
Dogberry
34 - 35- Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury,
- to call a prince’s brother villain.
Borachio
36- Master Constable—
Dogberry
37 - 38- Pray thee, fellow, peace. I do not like thy look, I promise
- thee.
Sexton
39- What heard you him say else?
God’s my life, where’s the sexton? Let him write down the prince’s officer coxcomb.
John Masey Wright, George Cattermole, Robert Smirke, circa 1800
Second Watchman
40 - 41- Marry, that he had receiv’d a thousand ducats of Don John
- for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
Dogberry
42- Flat burglary as ever was committed.
Verges
43- Yea, by mass, that it is.
Sexton
44- What else, fellow?
First Watchman
45 - 46- And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace
- Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
Dogberry
47 - 48- O villain! Thou wilt be condemn’d into everlasting
- redemption for this.
Sexton
49- What else?
Both First and Second Watchmen
50- This is all.
Sexton
51 - 56- And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is
- this morning secretly stol’n away. Hero was in this manner
- accus’d, in this very manner refus’d, and upon the grief of
- this suddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be
- bound, and brought to Leonato’s. I will go before and show
- him their examination.
- Exit.
Dogberry
57- Come let them be opinion’d.
Verges
58- Let them be in the hands—
Conrade
59-
Off, Coxcomb!
Feb 25, 2019 Miko A coxcomb is the hat worn by a fool (what today we more commonly call a “jester”). So Conrade is calling Verges a fool.
Dogberry
60 - 62- God’s my life, where’s the sexton? Let him write down the
- Prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty
- varlet!
Conrade
63- Away, you are an ass, you are an ass.
Dogberry
64 - 75- Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my
- years? O that he were here to write me down as ass! But,
- masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written
- down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain,
- thou art full of piety, as shall be prov’d upon thee by good
- witness. I am a wise fellow, and which is more, an officer,
- and which is more, a householder, and which is more, as
- pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that
- knows the law, go to, and a rich fellow enough, go to, and a
- fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns,
- and every thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I
- had been writ down an ass!
- Exeunt.
Remember I'm an ass
Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing at the St. James Theatre
John Jellicoe, late 19th century